This is the text of a ventriloquist dialogue that Lazarus and John often do. It has a great missionary message and is a lot of fun to do.   It is our most often requested story.  I hope that you enjoy it.



John  Lazarus, I want to talk with you about a very important subject.
Lazarus Like girls!
John  No. Like obedience.
Lazarus  Obedience?  It sounds like a disease.  Do I have that disease?
John  Well, do you remember a few weeks ago.   Didn't I catch you throwing stones at that little boy next door?  I told you not to do that.
Lazarus  But he threw one at me first.
John  But I told you not to throw stones.
Lazarus  But he threw one at me first!
John  But I told you not to throw stones.
Lazarus  Well, what should I have done?
John  You should have come to get me.
Lazarus You?  You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.
John Maybe not, but I would have gotten to the bottom of things.
Lazarus Yes, you would have gotten to my bottom!
John Can you think of anyone in the Bible who disobeyed God?
Lazarus Give me a clue.
John Well there was Moses, and Samson, and David, and Jonah ..
Lazarus Jonah?  How did Jonah disobey God?
John Well, God called Jonah to be a missionary.  He told him to go the most wicked and evil city in the whole wide world to tell them to get right with God.
Lazarus Oh, he wanted him to go to Atlanta!
John No, it wasn't Atlanta.  It was Ninevah.  But, instead of going where God wanted him to go, he ran away from the Lord.  He went in the exact opposite direction.
Lazarus Oh, Oh.
John Well, God sent a big storm to get his attention.  The wind started to blow, and the waves got high ... it was a terrible storm.  Now, not all of the storms we face in life are the result of disobedience, but this one was. It was a terrible, terrible, terrible ...
Lazarus Get on with it!
John It was a terrible storm.  And do you know where Jonah was?
Lazarus He was hanging over the rail, throwing up.
John No, that's not right!
Lazarus That's where I would have been.  I get seasick.
John No.  He was down in the bottom of the boat, sleeping.
Lazarus Sleeping?
John Yes, sleeping!
Lazarus Well, he must have taken Tylenol PM.   Either that or he had been listening to tapes of your sermons.
John Anyway, the sailors knew that someone was running away from God, but they didn't know who.  Finally, they found out it was Jonah. They tried to save the ship by throwing things overboard, but that didn't do any good.  Finally, they knew that they head to get rid of Jonah.
Lazarus You mean they made him walk the plank?
John Yes, they made him walk the plank.
Lazarus Man overboard!  And that was the end of Jonah.
John No, it wasn't the end of Jonah.
Lazarus Well, it would have been the end of me.   I can't swim.
John The Bible says that God had prepared a big fish, and when Jonah fell into the water, Gulp!  The big fish swallowed him up.
Lazarus Just like Jaws!  Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.
John No, it wasn't anything like Jaws. Anyway, when he got into the whale, do you know what happened to Jonah?
Lazarus No.  And I don't even want to think about it.
John He started to pray, like he'd never prayed before.
Lazarus I would too.
John He said, "God, if you can hear me and get me out of this mess, I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll be the kind of man you want me to be."
Lazarus Did God hear him when he prayed?
John God always hears us when we pray.
Lazarus Even at the bottom of the sea?
John Even at the bottom of the sea!
Lazarus Even in the belly of a big fish?
John No matter where we are, if we mean business, God hears us when we pray.
Lazarus So, what happened next?
John Well, God made that big fish swim right up by the dry land and he spit Jonah up onto the beach.
Lazarus You mean the whale burped?
John Well, actually the Bible says ... well, you don't want to know.
Lazarus I want to know.  I really want to know.
John Well, it ways that the whale vomited.
Lazarus I wish you would not have told me.
John Anyway, do you know what Jonah did as soon as he got onto the beach?
Lazarus He took a shower!
John No, after the shower.  He went to Ninevah like he told God he would, and the Bible says there was a great revival in Ninevah that day - over a hundred thousand people were saved because that one man obeyed the call of the Lord.
Lazarus Can you imagine how many people around here would be saved if all of us would obey God's voice like that.
John A lot, I'm sure.  Now, what did you learn from that story, Lazarus?
Lazarus I don't know.  Give me a clue.
John Well, what did you learn about God?
Lazarus Ah ... Oh, I know!  If you are going to run away from God, don't take a boat.
John No!
Lazarus But it's true!
John Yes, I know it's true, but that is not what the story is about.  What did you learn about Jonah?  What lesson did you learn from his life?
Lazarus Ah ... Oh, I know.  The moral of the story is, you cannot keep a good man down.  Get it?  The whale couldn't keep him down?
John Yes, I get it.  And you're going to get it in a minute.  Now, before I put you in the suitcase, is there anything you want to say to these people?
Lazarus Yes there is.  The very best place to be is right where God want's you to be.  Doing what He wants you to do and being the kind of person He wants you to be.
John You are a pretty smart dummy.
Lazarus And you are a pretty dumb smarty!
John Say goodbye, Lazarus.
Lazarus Goodbye, Lazarus.